Save the Intern |

NOTE TO SELF: NEVER CALL MOM WITH BAD NEWS. ALWAYS CALL DAD FIRST. IF YOU TELL YOUR MOTHER YOU’RE NOT GRADUATING THE WEEK OF GRADUATION YOU ARE AN IDIOT.

Here was the convo I had last Sunday with mom.

Ben: Mom I went online to check my status and I don’t think I’m graduating.

Mom: Ben, I can’t handle this. This is not my department call your father.

Ben: He’s probably golfing, he doesn’t want to talk to me!

Mom: Why are you doing this to me? I don’t care where he is, call your father. You’re gonna give me a stroke.

Ben: Ma, I’m sure it will be fine.

Mom: Call your father right now, and if you don’t graduate on Sunday we’re not helping you move to LA. Maybe you can work at the bagel shop all your life, would you like that?

Ben: Mom…

Mom: Call your father.

She hangs up.

I probably should’ve called Josh first. He pointed out that if I had read the highlighted paragraph below where my grades were posted I would have realized my final grades hadn’t been entirely calculated yet.

I called mom back to let her know. I’m moving to LA come hell or high water.

I brought my laptop to class for the first time. If I had this puppy, laptop from Grandma, for four years I’m not sure I would have graduated. Let me think about it…AIM or boring lecture? Annoying kid in class speaking to hear his own voice or solitaire? Surfing the net or wait…the teacher is looking at me. RETREAT! RETREAT! RETREAT!