Save the Intern |

Sure this person is peeing on the Microsoft sign. But perhaps more mind-blowing is what is the sex of this person? Jury is still out…

People have been giving Microsoft crap for years. It’s easy to pick on the big guy. But, you know what? We have a lot to thank Mr. Gates and his company for. We just don’t, because we assume this shit has been here forever. For example: The Two Button Mouse. Right-click for choices, Left-click for action. Sweet. And, do you enjoy the scroll wheel? Because I do! I try using Mac’s mouses and it’s the fucking worst! Perhaps, most important of all, we can thank Microsoft for the reason why tech has gone as far as it has: a computer on every desk. This idea was birthed from Microsoft and it is why I can sit here on my couch with my box of cheez-its and write this garbage. So, next time you go and bash things like Vista and that ridiculous paper clip in Word, remember all the good the Microsoft Corporation has done for you.

I deal with the dumbest people ever. Unfortunately, the company I work for does not allow us to put up our own signs.

Josh and I will be first in line to get these puppies when they hit the shelves in late July. The Nike McFly 2015’s will be renamed the Nike Hyperdunks. I know, fucking lame. Also, they won’t have the crazy auto-lace mechanism they had in the movie. But, they will feature some ultra light materials that will make the average short guy pretend he can dunk… but no, he still can’t. Damn.

Though I still plan to buy and own this piece of memorabilia, Nike is making it very difficult for me to want them. They don’t have an auto lace up feature and they took away the McFly name. To complete the tri-fecta of rectal chaos that will be these sneaks, what shady, unprofessional and selfish baller do they have as the spokesperson? Kobe Bryant.

Fuck you, Nike! I’m still getting them.

All in one fax copiers suck balls. Henry Ford, even though the douchebag was a racist, had it right when he separated all the tasks in making a car. Why does Xerox feel like they have to put a faxer, printer, copier, phone, walkie talkie, camera, jelly bean maker, and butt wiper all into one machine? I tried sending a fax today for one of my bosses and then like a tool had to ask how the thing worked. Beard Boss guy came over and pushed like fifty buttons before the fax went through and then said the classic, “That’s all you have to do.” Why couldn’t we have gone over faxing during our training. I know how to open mail and put it in a box no one needs to teach me that. But when operating the Xerox I would have appreciated getting more than the code. If you’re a boss reading this please help your interns with the way to expensive technology in the office you only bought to look legit.

Do I think Microsoft will get on without Bill Gates? Sure, but it’ll take some time. However, I really worry about the social ramifications of not having Bill around. See, when I was young, my peers and I all had something to dream of. We all wanted “Bill Gates’ money”. Who will my kids have to look up to? They’ll need a new rags-to-riches super hero, and he won’t be nearly as inspirational as Billy. Bill inspired a generation of nerds to dream big: because even if we’re sinfully ugly, we can still be worth more than some countries. We’ll miss ya Bill!

This photo from 1990 will be in history books some day. Awesome. Just awesome.

And this, my fine friends, is why I do not use a Mac. I opened a program on my work computer (MacBook Pro) and it unexpectedly quit. So Crash Reporter comes on to tell me that it’s unexpectedly quit, but right in the middle of it, Crash Reporter quits unexpectedly! Dumb!

Boring. Training sucks. Learning how to work in an office is as painful as someone trying to teach you how to eat an apple. Bite into it, what else is there. I did get some good advice from a guy who was intern and now works there.

He told me, “Sometimes in this job you’re going to have to eat shit, don’t nibble and you will be fine.”

Pretty profound if you ask me. Maybe I should consider removing the Fiber One from the lunch room.